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We're keeping the world's worst secret...Why? - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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We're keeping the world's worst secret...Why? [Nov. 4th, 2000|02:58 am]
Kurt Onstad
[Current Mood |pensivepensive]
[Current Music |Me'shell Ndegeocello - "Sincerity"]

Because Megan wants to...And I respect her wishes. But, I don't really see the point. Well, here...To completely understand the context here, there's a wedding tomorrow that Megan and I will both be at.

Kurt: Okay. Here's the question. And excuse me if I'm blunt, but that's me...What are we tomorrow? Are we still keeping the fact that we're dating (or whatever label you want to put on it) a secret from most people? Or, do we give up on that facade?
Megan: Hmm... I would still prefer to kept it to ourselves.
K: Okay. Do you see that changing sometime in the forseeable future?
K: No pressure, just asking.
M: I don't know.
why?
K: Well, I'm not much for secrets in my life. I'll respect your wishes, but not being able to be completely myself, and hiding a part of my life, especially a part of my life that makes me happy, is hard for me.

And, we get to see each other rarely right now, and not being able to hold hands, or put my arms around you, or some other sign of affection sucks. (I really was hoping for a more eloquent word there, but sucks really is the best description...)
M: I'm sorry. (the rest probably won't make much sense but...) its just that no-one can know how a relationship is going to turn out sometimes it's hard for me I don't want a repeat of my last relationship and I'm still new to this whole bit and sometimes I'm afraid that things will end up that way again if they get beyond a point.
M: if that doesn't make any sense, remember I had a long, tiring day...
K: Truthfully, I'm new to it too. But, my feeling is that hiding it from people (especially since most everyone who's interested in that sort of thing knows already, due to me opening my big mouth the night of our first kiss...) just makes it seem like something to be ashamed of, which it shouldn't be.

I can understand you're frightened. I'm willing to take things as slow as you want. I just don't see what the speed of our relationship has to do with whether or not people are aware that a relationship is there, or is developing.
K: Again, if you want to keep it quiet still, I'll respect that. Just letting you know how I feel about it.
M: thank you
K: You're welcome. And, if I act somewhat uncomfortably stiff around you tomorrow, understand that I'm probably overcompensating a little bit, and I mean nothing by it...

Okay. This is now a long post. My thoughts about that conversation coming up next post...

Kurt Onstad
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