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All alone... - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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All alone... [Nov. 10th, 2000|08:25 pm]
Kurt Onstad
[Current Mood |determineddetermined]
[Current Music |Rush - "Carve Away the Stone"]

There's a couple of people online right now that I could probably be chatting, but I hope they won't take offense when I say they're not who I feel like talking to right now...

Roommates are out to dinner with a friend of theirs, leaving just me and the dog...(Say hello, Kody.) And music. Listening to various albums and singing at full voice. Not allowed to do that as often as I could back when I lived at home, and nobody but me was ever around...

You get used to talking to someone every night very quickly. The rare nights that person's not there, there's a gap. Can you believe it's only been a little more than a month since this whole thing with Megan started? Already I'm pining away on the nights she's not here.

So, here's a question for people. How long after you've started dating do you ask that person if they'd like to date exclusively? Most likely, I'll get a bunch of people telling me "I don't know...But this is too soon..." You're probably right. But, I'm just not the kind of person who dates around. Even if I had multiple women I could be dating, (and actually, I might right now...) it just doesn't feel right to me...Even if the two people agree with it, it feels...dishonest somehow. It's hard to explain. But, that's just how I'm built, I guess.

Well, I feel a little better now that I've gotten this out of my system. I've got another post in me, on a somewhat related subject, but far enough away that it belongs in a separate entry. Back in a few...

Kurt Onstad
Yes, I know it's been a while...
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: seonsaint
2000-11-11 01:18 am (UTC)

Bonk!

Right after you Bonk her for the first time!
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-11-11 01:37 am (UTC)

Re: Bonk!

And this is why you're the villain and I'm the hero... :)

Kurt Onstad
Three people will get that. Fortunately, I'm one, and the other two people do read this...
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[User Picture]From: self
2000-11-12 12:31 pm (UTC)

Thud.

Gotta disagree with the Seonster. If you're not exclusive when the relationship turns sexual, that's the worst possible time to bring it up. She's going to be running through emotions like you wouldn't believe. Your job at that moment is to be something between a rock and a teddy bear. Ask nothing of her - it's just as likely to backfire. (but if you really want to get this right, go in the kitchen right now and practice cooking breakfast)

- So, when do you ask?
- In the 1950s.

(That probably won't help you, but it made sense when I typed it)

She's clearly afraid to commit right now. If she's not willing to admit the two of you are dating at all, you can bet she's not ready to date exclusively. When she's receptive to the question, she'll let you know.

You can't handle this like a timeline, or mark a date on your calendar. (And if the words "if we're still dating in five years, consider that an engagement" ever cross your mind, it's time to drill numerous holes through your skull and shake your head vigorously until the bad thoughts go away.)

The time to ask her is when you think she'll say yes. When you think she wants you to ask her. When she's flat-out told you that she wants to date exclusively.

I had a speech worked out for a different relationship. There are things in that which might be useful here, but so much of it almost applies, I don't know whether it would help you or make things worse. Latching on to the wrong things there could be very bad. Guess I'll put some thought into that later.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-11-12 01:20 pm (UTC)

Thud?

Yeah, I agree with you on that one. In fact, my feeling is that the relationship should be exclusive before we have sex. But, maybe I'm old-fashioned that way...(On your parenthetical note, I do make a pretty mean French Toast...)

It would be nice to be able to mark a date on my calendar, but I know you're right, and that's not how it works...But, how does it work? The few times I've actually been in an exclusive relationship, I didn't have to ask. We both just knew...I mean, I don't think I ever even officially asked J.D. out...It just sort of happened. (This is a running theme in my life...I don't plan things, life just seems to flow around me with little to no control over the important events. Is this just me, or is it everyone?)

If the "still dating in five years, consider it an engagement" do come out of my mouth, you have my complete permission to pull that drill out...However, let me say this...If we're still dating in five years, it better be public knowledge by then, or I will have been driven insane...

When she wants me to ask: This is part of why I have the journal...I am
    so
clueless when it comes to this sort of thing. I'm going to need people here to say, "Okay Kurt. She's giving signals..." So, you all get to be privy to everything that's happening in my relationship, in order for it to continue successfully...And yet, I'm betting if she knew I shared these kinds of details with the world like this, it would immediately stop. Ick.

I'd be really interested to see your speech for the other relationship...Of course, I'd want to know which other relationship you're referring to, so that I can put it into its correct context. I think I should be able to keep it seperate enough to not take away wrong advice from it...

Kurt Onstad
Starting the second day of the seven day work week...
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