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No longer telling things in strict chronological order... - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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No longer telling things in strict chronological order... [Nov. 22nd, 2000|05:04 pm]
Kurt Onstad
So, I really need to introduce Riki to everyone (except Erik, who knows her well...). I've mentioned her a couple of times before, but she's becoming more important to my stories...very quickly.

Erik was a member of the group I hang out with long before I had ever joined, but she went away to Grad school in Illinois, and is just recently returning. She and I are only six months apart in age. And she's attracted to me. Yes, another one...When it rains, it pours...

I have to give a big shout out to Erik on this one. While she was laying some big hints that she found me attractive, I probably would have just chalked it up to my imagination if it hadn't been for Erik pretty much telling me that she had mentioned her attraction to me to him (Uh, you understood that sentence, right? Good.).

Well, taking some of some guy's advice to me, I've decided to pursue this as well, and see where it goes. So, I've been making subtle hints in Riki's direction that I was interested.

These have been getting less and less subtle, and we've just been, without discussing it, getting more and more physical with each other. Finally, last night, after having spent a good deal of time with my arms wrapped around her, and having kissed her, I decided I really should ask her out...(Okay. So, I'm a little backwards sometimes!) Not too surprisingly in this case, she said yes. We didn't settle on an actual date for this date, because it was really late at night when she dropped me off at home (Still no car...Dammit!), but I'm sure we'll rectify that soon.

So, this is another reversal of something that I said earlier, but having gotten the advice mentioned earlier, and discussing it with myself, and also due to other events this weekend, I decided that dating more than one person is perfectly acceptable. I just need to set up some basic rules for myself...

Here's what I'm thinking:
1) Both women know that I'm dating other women.
    This is important, and pretty much guaranteed, considering the rumor mill this is this group of people...

2) No obvious displays of affection with one around the other
    This will be harder (and harder with Riki than with Megan. That's part of my frustration with my relationship with Megan), especially since they're both in the same group, and I really don't get to spend much time with either one of them outside of this group.

Any other suggestions?

Kurt Onstad
Ironically, just finished listening to "Jessie's Girl" by Rick Springfield
In the comments below, any reference to Jessie is actually referring to Megan, and Riki is referred to as Lucy. (This should also explain why "Jessie's Girl" was ironic...)
LinkReply

Comments:
[User Picture]From: self
2000-11-23 06:56 pm (UTC)

Devil's advocate, working hard...

There you go with the rules again.

Okay...

>>
Both women know that I'm dating other women.
<<
I guess that's not so much a rule as a requirement. It makes sense, though. I don't think you could handle the stress of that game.


>>
No obvious displays of affection with one around the other
<<
To do so would be insensitive and hurtful.
Best to keep that on reserve.

Yeah, I'm completely without a soul. Big deal.

Fact is, something this powerful can only be useful.
    If you need to convey that
    • it's over
    • other girls find you attractive (and thus, it's okay to admit they do too)
    • you do have other options (and aren't going to put up with games you don't want to play)

    ...in short, if a girl you're dating doesn't take you seriously..
I can't think of a better way to fix that, can you?

See, and here you thought I was going to recommend pushing for a threesome. Get your head out of the gutter!

Sinking back into myself...

Right! Let's start again, shall we?

>>
Both women know that I'm dating other women.
<<
They should probably know who you're dating. The sick feeling you experienced all weekend was at least halfway brought on by finding out. They do understand the premise going in, but you really do live in denial until you know. It's not fun to have your worst fears realized.


>>
No obvious displays of affection with one around the other
<<
Regarding the alleged "usefulness" of this one, be aware that neither girl would particularly appreciate being used as a weapon, and that you're potentially holding both relationships in the blast radius.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-11-24 01:59 am (UTC)

Woah...(Devil's Advocate...Keanu Reeves...Oh, never mind)

>>
Both women know that I'm dating other women.
<<
They should probably know who you're dating.

Taken care of with Jessie already. Talked to her about this. She's aware of Lucy. I believe her exact reaction was "Neat!"

Need to talk to Lucy as soon as possible...Of course, with the rumor mill that the group is, and the fact that Lucy had 17 people over for Thanksgiving, most of whom are in this group, I may be too late...Huh. Never would have thought that I'd wish less people knew about Jessie and I...

>>
No obvious displays of affection with one around the other
<<
Regarding the alleged "usefulness" of this one, be aware that neither girl would particularly appreciate being used as a weapon, and that you're potentially holding both relationships in the blast radius.

Yeah. I'm also a big believer in the Golden Rule, and I know exactly what it felt like watching Jessie being affectionate with someone else, and refusing to do so with me. Don't want to do that to anyone...

You'll notice that these "rules" really were things I set up to protect myself from getting into "bad sitcom" land...Very different from rules for a relationship that creates artificial boundaries for no apparent reason...

Kurt Onstad
Damn. I was tired...It's 2am. I should be sleeping now...
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[User Picture]From: self
2000-11-24 10:35 am (UTC)

Watch your teeth! That hand feeds you...

>>
You'll notice that these "rules" really were things I set up to protect myself from getting into "bad sitcom" land...
<<
Just a reminder:
    This recent spree of character reversals and big unlikely changes in your life happened during November Sweeps.
There's nothing wrong with living in a bad sitcom. You just don't want to do anything to alienate your audience, or the world will end.
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[User Picture]From: seonsaint
2000-11-29 03:05 pm (UTC)

Re: Watch your teeth! That hand feeds you...

Ooh, am I allowed to give advice? I don't like the idea of two fronts, no matter who knows-- I think you know, or have an idea about how far Jessie is willing to take it. And there seems to be more promise from what I've read from your tales with Lucy. She seems more mature. If the date worked... and you see more direction, and Jessie is not willing to move any further forward, stick with Lucy.

Just me- being nuts-
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-11-29 04:08 pm (UTC)

Oh no! I agree with SeonSaint!

Yes, I do see more of a future with Lucy. I've been thinking about this all morning, and I just sense that Lucy and I have more in common, and are both looking for the same sort of thing in a relationship right now...And hey, she gets my 80s references! Jessie seems to be just "having fun" right now. And while having fun was great for a little while, I'm looking for more than that. I'm getting to a certain age, and while I'm not looking to get married yet, I've got that sort of thing going on in the back of my mind of "Is this someone I want to spend the rest of my life with?" and I can see myself with Lucy far more easily than with Jessie.

All this adds up to me breaking things off with Jessie. This is one of the first times in my life when that thought doesn't fill me with dread. Guess that shows how little emotional investment there really was in the relationship...

Kurt Onstad
Wait? When did I break up with someone before this?
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[User Picture]From: self
2000-11-29 04:44 pm (UTC)

nuts

We're both giving sensible advice.

Something is wrong...
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[User Picture]From: self
2000-11-29 04:57 pm (UTC)

...and that something would be me.

Hehe.. Replied directly through my e-mail, didn't notice the context shifting.

Also, the advice I spat out on this particular page was all contradictory and stuff. Probably not much "sensible" about it.

So just forget I said anything. =)
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-11-29 05:59 pm (UTC)

Re: ...and that something would be me.

Actually, I thought your comments and advice were very helpful. I just forgot to follow them...

Kurt Onstad
Dumbass wannabe...
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