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Changing subjects drastically... - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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Changing subjects drastically... [Dec. 25th, 2000|02:31 pm]
Kurt Onstad
Well, I'm considering telling Riki about this journal. (Well, actually, she knows I keep a journal. I just don't think she's caught on yet to the fact that it's online, although I've given a couple of subtle clues...) I'd explain it to her first before showing it to her...And, I'd probably remove my memories, not that I've accessed them at all anyways...In fact, those are going away now...Gone.

So, is there any reason why I shouldn't tell her about it now that any of you can think of? I feel like a relationship should be based on honesty, and leaving this from her is dishonest. But, I'd like to hear other's thoughts on the subject. Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

Kurt Onstad
His life is an open webpage...
Lucy actually posts for the first time here. Lucy is actually Riki. And Abner is referred to as well, which is actually Erik.
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Comments:
From: rwmidl
2000-12-25 07:44 pm (UTC)

Hmmm

My feeling is this...you have to do what you feel is right. My experience has been I originally let alot of people know about my journal, but I then had some people question some of the things I said. I have now decided not to let alot of people know about this. If people find it, that is fine. For me, the journal is my catharsis...my way of letting out my feelings. If you think she should know, then by all means share with her. But, somethings you have to keep personal.....then again this is coming from a single guy!
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2000-12-25 08:38 pm (UTC)

Re: Hmmm

Well, I've shared the journal's address with those that I trust the most, and the people I feel closest to. Lucy very much falls into that category. But, right now, she's the main topic of conversation. As Abner asked me in e-mail: Will the fact of her knowing affect what I write? The answer: Maybe. I mean, if she reads what I already have up here, and isn't freaked out, then I should feel free to continue writing what I actually feel, right? Right?

Kurt Onstad
Still unsure...Needs to discuss this further. Other thoughts, anyone?
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[User Picture]From: self
2000-12-25 09:45 pm (UTC)

You know I welcome chaos...

I'm not sure if having her here would affect what I write in your journal. Thus far, I haven't been burdened with trying to protect anyone's feelings. My advice to you only holds value because I'm completely detatched from the situation. Maintaining that is going to be tricky.

Honestly, I don't see how it can do anything but affect what we write. You're using this right now as sort of a relationship by committee, organizing your thoughts and feelings before you go in to make your presentation. You won't be able to do that anymore. Even if you continue posting exactly as you have been, the fact that she's reading every entry lends an immediacy which changes the nature of the action itself.

Bringing her in is probably for the best, as it takes away that safety net and restores a layer of intimacy. She gets your thoughts directly, unfiltered by consensus opinion. Whether or not that's a good thing is entirely up to you. =)

Good or bad, that decision will bring changes. But I'm all for changes.

Nonetheless, I do believe in fallback options... Should the journal freak her out:
  • You can minimize the relationship entries and try to find other things to talk about here.
    (unnatural, but effective. except, of course, you have nothing else to talk about here...)
  • You can post relationship entries in "friends-only" view and refuse to add her to that list.
    (asking for trouble, really)
  • You can take the relationship entries to private e-mails.
    (no clue how that'd go over)
Anyway... I've been up for about 48 hours now, and am way too tired to come up with a decent conclusion. But maybe some of these thoughts will prove useful.

Whatever.

I sleep now.
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From: (Anonymous)
2001-03-04 11:14 pm (UTC)

Re: Hmmm

Hi. It's Lucy. I think Self has some good points. If you want this to be the place where you can write about your feelings without worrying how it's going to affect anyone...do you really want me to read it?

So far, there has been nothing that offended me. But every relationship has its problems now and then, and if you need to vent, you probably won't do it here because you know I read it. And that defeats the purpose of the journal.

I like being able to look through this window on your feelings. I also feel honored that you're willing to share your thoughts with me. But if you asked me not to read your journal, I'd stop.

That reminds me...I've got to see if I have anything in my journal that you might enjoy reading, especially from the weeks just before and just after we got together.
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