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Oh yeah...I don't enjoy the club scene - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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Oh yeah...I don't enjoy the club scene [Feb. 15th, 2002|11:17 pm]
Kurt Onstad

As I mentioned earlier, I was for some odd reason picked to be invited to the Star 98.7 Meet Market, a singles party. The location was the Key Club on Sunset Blvd. This should have been my first clue. I get there (a little later than I had hoped, traffic was hell...), and I go to the table to let them know I'm there. They welcome me, and hand me...a bolt. Yes, like a giant screw (wait for it...) I go in, and I along with all the other guys, are directed upstairs. The men and women don't interact yet at this point. I get a drink and hang out and talk to a couple of guys. It's at this point that I notice that I'm the only guy who is even close to looking like me. No one has hair that even reaches their shoulders, let alone goes down their back. And they all have pretty much matching goatees, as opposed to my first beard. (Clue #2) So, eventually, we get told to line up and we're marched across the stage as the women get their first good look at us. Then we start to intermingle. We're now told that the women all have nuts (Yeah, I thought of all of those jokes too...) that might or might not match our bolts. Any women we can find that match their nut to our bolt, we go together and each get a raffle ticket. So, I wander around, introducing myself to a few women, and trying to get my phallic symbol to fit in their hole...I make a few matches with my bolt, and get a few raffle tickets. But, immediately after doing so, the women immediately bolt off (pun intended) to find other men. Specific other men. Remember that entry I emailed to the station that I told you about earlier? Well, the women got a booklet with each of the guy's entries available for them to read. Strangely, women saw my name tag, and turned the other way...

Or, maybe they didn't even get to the name tag...The best comment I got all night was from a guy I was passing by. He stopped me and said "You're a real niche market. How are you doing?" "Terribly," I responded. He said "Yeah, this really doesn't look like your scene." It was about then that I decided to head out. Unfortunately, I'd had two drinks already, and didn't feel up to driving at the moment (The combination of having blood taken in the morning on a 14 hour fast, then not having food before drinking two stong rum and cokes...Whee!) So, I stayed through the band, and enjoyed them quite a bit, having given up on actually meeting anyone there. They played for an hour, then I drove home.

Next time I "win" the opportunity to go to one of these...Please slap me upside the head and remind me of this...

Kurt
Where do you find geek women to date?
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: rylliana
2002-02-16 12:12 am (UTC)

Aww

That really sucks, Kurt. I'm sorry...but we're out there! I swear, really. :)

::huggles::
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-16 02:05 am (UTC)

Thanks...

For both the sentiment and the virtual hug...Once again, it's a damn shame we live so far apart from each other.

I just get frustrated at the fact that it's so hard to find available women with similar interests as me. I mean, there's the group I hang out with, AOKP, but most of the women there have either already turned me down, or in a couple of cases, we've already dated and it didn't work out. The ratio of male to female at work is so skewed towards the guys that it's pathetic.

Any geek guys out there who are reading this...Seriously, where do you meet women?

Kurt
Ought to have been in bed a while ago...Oh well.
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[User Picture]From: rylliana
2002-02-16 03:05 am (UTC)

Sleep? What's that?

I have come to believe that it is sort of a universal frustration, on both men's and women's sides. There is always the drive for the perfect match and utter contentment...but really, there is always going to be something that's just a little off. Then, of course, there's the "grass is always greener" syndrome. There have been too many times where I have been dating a guy and have wished to be single again...

For whatever those thoughts are worth.
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[User Picture]From: scorpy01
2002-02-16 03:56 am (UTC)
For what it's worth, I think geek guys are the best.

How old were all these women? I ask because any woman who lived through the 70's would love your hair. Although, I have noticed that long hair on a guy who is going gray is not as attractive as it is on a younger guy.

ah....the best is a geek on a harley, btw. Got one?
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-17 11:45 am (UTC)

The 70s and me...

While I didn't ask any of the women how old they were (I've been told that's a rude question, especially when you're just meeting someone...), they seemed to range in age from early 20s (it was a 21 and over event...) up to mid 40s. But, I would say the majority of women there were my age or a little older (I'm 27, in case you don't want to go searching for that factoid).

I've always been a few decades behind the time, fashion wise. In high school and college, I dressed in tie-dye shirts and listened to the Beatles, definitely looking and acting like a child of the 60s. Now that I've grown the beard out, people say I look like I belong in the 70s.

There's no grey in the hair currently. Most likely, I'll go bald before there's much grey in there, considering my family history...

No Harley. I've been on a motorcycle twice, and hated it each time. Not going to spend thousands of dollars on an experience I hate, no matter how cool it makes me look...

Kurt
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[User Picture]From: scorpy01
2002-02-17 03:38 pm (UTC)

Re: The 70s and me...

Why is it rude to ask a woman's age? I've never understood that. I tell mine all the time. I hate getting older but there's no reason to deny it. I don't get it.

Don't worry about the Harley. I haven't ridden on the back of one for decades. I was just remembering, which can be a dangerous thing. Gotta keep those ghosts in the past where they belong, you know.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-17 03:57 pm (UTC)

So, how old are you?

I've never quite understood the reasoning behind it either. I guess it has to do with the fact that society as a whole (I'm generalizing American society, but I think fairly accurately) believes that women become less desirable as they get older (once they get past a certain age, obviously...) Because of that women, especially those who felt they were near or past that threshold age, didn't want to tell anyone their age, and thus it became a "rude" question.

Since I've made my life an open book (quite literally since joining LiveJournal), it's harder for me to imagine people wanting to keep such a basic fact secret. But, I am aware of it, and play along in order to not become even more of a pariah than I already am.

Kurt
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[User Picture]From: scorpy01
2002-02-17 04:26 pm (UTC)

Re: So, how old are you?

I think I stun people, especially men (because they don't expect it?) when I announce my age. Maybe it's an LJ thing, we're all pretty open here.

And you're not a pariah. There's nothing wrong with being yourself. There's a lot wrong with trying to be what everyone else expects. I break the rules all the time. Society's expectations be damned.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-17 04:47 pm (UTC)

Being yourself vs. playing along...

I don't try to be what other people expect. That's not what I meant. What I was trying to say is that there are certain things that can be done or said that upset people, and while I don't understand the reasoning behind why it upsets people so much, I prefer to not upset them if it can be easily avoided, and doesn't interfere with me being who I am. For instance, not asking a woman her age at the beginning of a conversation. I don't need to know that information, unless I'm about to make a pass at her and I'm not quite sure if she's 18 yet. And I'm getting to the age where if I'm not sure she's 18 yet, I probably shouldn't be making a pass...Since there's no need for me to know, I don't ask unless for some reason it comes up.

If on the other hand, we get to talking about religion, and I think that letting the person know that I'm a secular humanist will bother them, I'm still going to tell them, because that's part of who I am, and I'm not going to compromise that just to appease someone else.

Kurt
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[User Picture]From: self
2002-02-16 12:23 pm (UTC)

apologies in advance

It strikes me that it's more a matter of timing than anything else.

A woman who enjoys the same things as you won't be caught dead someplace you don't want to be. If she is, you'll quickly recognize her by the severe level of discomfort. And if she senses you're drawn to that, that's a warning sign unto itself and she won't want to talk to you. Which scarcely matters, since neither of you would feel natural enough to judge the conversation as going well anyway.

Daniel Quinn's "Providence: the Story of a 50 Year Vision Quest" provides the smoothest possible answer for what to do if you find yourself in that situation. I'd quote it for you if I could find my copy.

But, really, I think that's a rarity.

More practical advice might be to simply linger in places you enjoy, while cycling through a number of similar locales. If the girl of your dreams shops at a different bookstore, you'll never meet her at yours.

Myself, I like to stay at home. There aren't a lot of girls here, but if I branched out to spend all day in other people's homes, my chances would be far greater. =)

Whatever excites you, whatever makes you comfortable, let that drive you. That will help project a sense of purpose, and assure that you at least get something out of your time. Very important: Make sure you understand that meeting someone is secondary. It's a bonus, but that's not what you're there for. (Otherwise, a sense of failure can corrupt those few activities which used to distract you from it)

Finally, there's a reason the men all looked identical. At some point, they consciously decided to model themselves after someone with a higher success rate. And that's a good strategy, if only from the "magic feather" standpoint where feeling more attractive makes you more attractive.

As I recall, you did some fairly drastic things to your appearance a few years ago, I think coming out of Option Zero where your hair was already fried and you had nothing to lose. New cut, new color, very stylized, like a cartoon prince or something. I don't remember the details, but we all agreed it looked pretty good. It didn't last long, though - you gave up all too quickly.

Anyway, you've got enough raw material to work into something more evocative - the current look is you, but only by default - I don't believe it actually conveys much in the way of your personality.

In fact, comparing your look to the masses at this party, you actually give off a negative message. Their appearance, while admittedty generic, is still quite deliberate, and it takes obvious care and precision to maintain. Yours, you pretty much wake up and it's done. It projects a certain laziness. And with girls forced to put so much work into their own appearance before they can even leave the house, they might be put off by that. (it's a delicate balance - you don't ever want to be prettier than them, it should still be clear that some effort went into looking nice)

...thus ends my offering of entirely-too-analytical perspective for the day. Don't take any of that too harshly, but you just went through a valuable learning experience - it's good to recognize those.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-17 12:14 pm (UTC)

Apologies? For what?

Yes, I've definitely learned that I shouldn't go somewhere that I'm uncomfortable just to meet women. The women I meet there aren't going to be right for me anyways.

My look, on the other hand...I'm very comfortable with how I look. You said "</i>At some point, they consciously decided to model themselves after someone with a higher success rate. And that's a good strategy, if only from the "magic feather" standpoint where feeling more attractive makes you more attractive.</i>" Yes. They all modeled themselves after Ricky Martin, then grew goatees because they looked too feminine. I'm not going to do that.

The post Option-Zero look: I did enjoy it for a little while, but with my hair as thin as it is, bleaching it on a regular basis to keep that hair color would destroy it. I'd be bald in less than a year, in all likelihood. Every now and then, I consider dyeing my hair to another color (or at least adding some highlights), like jet black, or purple. But, I should probably wait until after I find a new job before I do that...

Kurt
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[User Picture]From: self
2002-02-17 12:26 pm (UTC)
Ricky Martin? I was thinking Ben Affleck, Chasing Amy era. Whatever. I understood that wasn't something you'd be interested in (or even good at, necessarily - your bone structure is meant for other things).

Doing something drastic to your hair is probably a good idea as far as going after girls who have done something drastic to their hair is concerned. I thought your job situation would be perfect for that (online support, who cares what you look like?), but forgot you've recently moved and probably need to go through job interviews and stuff again.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-17 12:41 pm (UTC)

Hadn't thought of Ben...

I guess I thought of Ricky because most of them had the bleached tips, and many of them were Hispanic. Probably some of them were of Mediteranean or Middle Eastern descent, but in a dark club it's hard for me to tell the difference between the two unless I talk to them for a while, which I wasn't.

Yes, I do need to go through the job interviews and such once I finish moving (this coming up weekend...Yay.), so I won't be doing anything drastic right now. But, I definitely am looking for another job that lets me be who I want to be, and doesn't particularly care how I wear my hair or what clothes I wear...

Kurt
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From: (Anonymous)
2002-02-17 07:48 pm (UTC)

Hey Kurt

Meat Markets never work. Relationships are not to be bought. Nor can a serious relationship, based on friendship, begin in a darkened, loud, crowded room through a slight haze of alcohol. Sucks, I know.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-18 12:10 am (UTC)

Hey, whoever you are...

Well, yeah. I know this now. I think, for some reason, I was imagining a slightly more intimate (as in less crowded) setting, more conducive to meeting people. Once I realized it was just a bar with name tags (with the added complication of women actively seeking out a few select guys from a booklet...), I knew it wasn't for me. But, like I said before, by that time, it was too late.

Kurt
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From: (Anonymous)
2002-02-18 02:27 pm (UTC)

Re: Hey, whoever you are...

At least it was a learning experience. You now know WHY you had misgivings about going. Also why you never thought they would pick you. Trust me, there are a great many women out there who would sooner be caught dead than in a place like that. Problem is being there looking for them.
To be honest, how I started dating my big wonderful, geeky boyfriend was because we got in an argument on line about the fact that men, by and large, are no longer taught how to treat ANYONE right, not just women. We ended up talking for about a year and a half before anything ever happened more than meeting.
Look around at the people who are around you. I know you think that there aren't many at work, and AOKP is always a dangerous place to date..... (giving away who I am).... but there is someone out there who likes just to be around you. And that is the person you are going to make it with, not someone who reads your stats and judges you from a pamphlet.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-02-18 03:08 pm (UTC)

Do you mean a specific someone?

You didn't give yourself away as much as you may have thought you did. I have about three theories on who this is...No, four.

You said, "There is someone out there who likes just to be around you." That makes it sound like you know this person. Or were you speaking in the metaphorical, "There's someone out there for everyone" sense?

Kurt
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