2003-03-13 02:43 pm (UTC)
Well, then don't EVER marry Amy...
She's a religous person in the Air Force (but she's in the Green party...)
I actually enjoy having those kinds of differences with people I'm in relationships with. It always gives us something to discuss. I don't want a clone of myself. Just someone who shares enough of my interests that we have common ground, but different enough that we disagree on things as well. As long as they have an open enough mind to not say "I'm right and everyone else who doesn't believe the same is wrong."
I see her point because I could never marry:
-a religious person
-anyone in any branch of our armed services
Hey, are you single? :)
(Sorry...I couldn't resist.)
It's not? I mean, it's not directed at you if you're either a Republican, religious, or in the military, but unless you REALLY subscribe to the idea that (complete) opposites attract, I would assume you're not.
I was curious what the note said, but didn't want to pry... Even after your sharing of it here in LJ, I still can't believe it... As long as I've known Amy, but then again, maybe I don't know her as well as I thought I did... Yes, she is definitely one to stand up for herself, but to do this... When she first broke the news that she was going to be in the Air Force, I thought she was kidding. Nothing against the military, but Amy in the military? I didn't realize she felt so strongly about it — she's the one who would say she was in the "Air Farce."
Better stop before I ramble yet again with you about this subject. Again, I am so sorry.
Are you really surprised? I mean, if there's something you can honestly say about Amy, it's that she will will make you rethink what you thought you knew. And I think what she's feeling is probably not something we haven't all thought at some time, although we may act on it differently.
*hugs* If you need someone to rant to irl...
2003-03-13 02:57 pm (UTC)
You have my condolences...
In the end, depending on what Amy does, you will see her true colors. I know that's not much, Kurt, because anything we say or do to help shall pale in comparison to whatever wounds you may have, but we are here for you.
I shall resist the urge to rant.
I cannot say anything that hasn't been said, and I cannot offer anything that hasn't been offered already. Obviously we are all your friends and here for you. What I CAN say is that it will be nice to get a chance to get to know you better. I really only started talking to to you outside of passing politeness relatively recently. And its mostly been about trivial tstuff like gaming, but every now and then weve had some meaningful discussion and so I consider it a great opportunity to get to know someone pretty damn cool!
Of course, now that I will remain your Storyteller, I'm gonna make your life hell too. ;-)
I'm of mixed emotions on this one... I feel for ya, cuz the end of a relationship is always hard.
But I'm actually glad that it's ended. I was hoping for the best, but the times that I was around her, I didn't get the "I Love Kurt" vibe and that's not always good for a relationship, let alone a marriage.
::HUGS:: You will find someone who is better for you!
I heard a little about all this, and the letter sounds like what I suspected. She's totally running away. Those are extremely thin arguements for leaving without talking about it. I think she's afraid of something much deeper (that you may or may not be able to work through), and I hope she has good enough friends to point out to her that she's making a huge mistake by not addressing it up front and giving it an honest talking through.
I'm really sorry you have to go through this. You have my total sympathy, and clearly the support of alot of people who care about you.
"I hope she has good enough friends to point out to her that she's making a huge mistake by not addressing it up front and giving it an honest talking through..."
But this will only work, my friend, if she will return her friends' calls... So far nothing...
Well, in that case, perhaps maybe something a little on the lighter side?...
GOOD NEWS: With gas prices being so high, think of how much you'll save.
BAD NEWS: My sister is still off limits ;)
GOOD NEWS: Money saved on gas is money that can be put towards DS9 dvds
BAD NEWS: DS9 fan?... now she's reeeeeeeeeally off limits :P
(hope this gave you at least a small chuckle, ol' chum)
1) I'm really sorry. That sounds incredibly messed up. But better you found out now that shes a basketcase (not saying you think she is, but i certainly do) before she left you at the alter or god forbid after you went through w/ the nuptuals.
2) Does this mean you are coming to NY to marry me now?
2003-03-13 04:54 pm (UTC)
Just wanted to let you know...
God, I'm so sorry.
Here, have some hugs.
2003-03-14 02:05 pm (UTC)
volatile under pressure
The good news is, you don't get a reaction like that out of someone who doesn't really love you. Without that, you can't hurt 'em enough to cause this.
The bad news is, she wants to disappear. And she's in the perfect setting to make that happen.
Given time, space, and normality
, perhaps this can fix itself. But those factors are at odds with each other, and that doesn't make life real predictable.
That said, here were my reactions:
- It's more than possible to support our soldiers without getting behind the war itself. Our military largely exists to prevent war, in much the same way our weapons of mass destructions exist to prevent mass destruction - they're a deterrant. This is in no way a contradiction. Failing to make this distinction leads to a repeat of the Vietnam homecoming, so this "love the soldier? love the war." mentality needs to go.
It's possible she's seeing the other side of that - misguided protesters taking out their frustration on her friends and neighbors. From her perspective, there may be an "us vs. them" split already. But I don't think that's the problem. I just bring it up because it's probably what she's using to rationalize this.
- It's far less possible to think of yourself as a professional killer while maintaining any sort of relationship with God.
That right there is far more serious - whether you believe in an actual God, or simply find it convenient to externalize your own conscience from time to time, this is a powerful force to stand against. It's almost invariably going to lead to confusion and self-hatred. I don't think she was trying to protect herself so much as deny herself happiness.
So, yeah. Small consolation knowing it wasn't you.
But it wasn't.
Nothing you could have done differently.
Anyway.. In your position, I'd ask everyone to stop flooding her voicemail, and I'd leave a note of my own on her door. Explain your side of the story, apologize for the misunderstanding, and tell her not to be afraid of calling you when she's ready to talk. And leave it at that - No plans, no promises, no begging, no accusations. And don't plan out what you'll say if the phone ever rings - You won't remember a word of it.
And, yes. between now and then, fly out to NY and marry euphoricone
2003-03-14 02:42 pm (UTC)
Re: volatile under pressure
Good points, well put, all around. I totally agree that she's taking out deeper conflicts within herself out on your relationship and her happiness. And you can't save Amy from herself - only she can.
I was just talking to pottertilly
about the "love the solider, love the war" idea. I think it's safe to assume that most people don't feel that way these days, but there are certainly some people who do still make that association, and Amy may even be one of them.
Also, I think it's really funny that she considers herself a "professional killer".
must... resist... urge... to... rant... *insert weird 60's TV Batman camera angles that continually move*
Not sure how I found this post... but damn, it made me sad.
It has been almost a year, I hope things are going better for you.
Are you still in Whittier? Whittier CA? I love it there.
Not sure how you found this either, since we don't appear to have any friends in common, but I appreciate the sympathy, belated as it is.
Since this post, I have talked to Amy once on the phone and got some semblance of closure, and am doing much better, emotionally speaking.
Yes, I'm still in Whittier, CA, and love it here, although I like the climate of where you live much more...(but since that's where all of my extended family lives, I'd never move up there...)
Well, I do know how I found the post now... I was reading one of my friends LJ's - which Eliza posted to about a break up (I have met her once) which brought me to her ex Jamie's LJ which you posted to and linked to that post about Amy. Amazing eh?
Your story just tore me up man! I felt so horrible for you I had to write. I'm glad you are doing better. Too bad the war isn't any better. :(
My husbands Grandma lives in Hacienda Heights, and all her kids live in Whittier so we go through there every summer! I think it is a cool place to visit, but wayyyyy too hot man. I am a rain kinda girl. :)
2004-01-08 05:16 pm (UTC)
That makes sense...
I kind of figured that it had to be through either inevitability
, since those are the two on my friends list in the Seattle area. It is always interesting to see the "six degrees of separation" here on LJ...
Yeah, if you come down to Whittier in the summer, it usually is too hot. I'm right there with you on that one. Give me a nice grey day where you never actually see
the sun, although you're pretty sure it's up there somewhere, and I'm a happy guy. But, that's exactly what we've had the last month or two, so I'm good for now...