Up front, this is a message for you
. Digest it, understand it, but don't repeat it. I am extremely blunt here. The logic may apply, but the wording will not work out well should you use it to explain your feelings. It's 2nd person. Make it first person, and you'll live to regret it.
There's a lot of hinting at backstories involving people we know. You should get the references without any difficulty, but your other readers will hopefully stay in the dark.
That said, let's move on.
>>Well, I don't have a right to be pissed at him, because Jessie was just as much a part of it as he was
Maybe you don't have a right to be pissed at him exclusively
, but you always
have the right to be pissed at people. That never goes away.
Is Joel aware of the worst-kept secrettm
? Answer yes, and you've got all the reason in the world to be angry at him.
>>She's not allowed to show anything towards me in public, but she can sit in Joel's lap, as he rubs her back and holds her hand...
Let's get this straight: Jessie
imposed that rule. You neither understand nor approve of it. You're just playing along for as long as you're able. "Humoring her insanity," as I like to call it.
That's an important distinction, because it keeps you honest with yourself - your statement was backwards.
She's not allowed
to show anything towards you in public? I don't think so. What's the consequence of showing affection towards you? You're not going to punish her for it - that's what you want. You'd reward
It's not a rule for her.
You know couples who play by one-way rules.
You have no respect for them.
And I hold that the rules are never
even. There's always inequity, and resentment. Which is why there should never be "rules".
The closest you should come to that is compromise. Agreements, towards your mutual benefit. You give some, she gives some. You both gain more than you lose, and when that balance is off, you renegotiate.
I'm not fully convinced this is different. It still leads to a winner/loser type of game. I suspect it's deceptive, a "rules" relationship disguised as a "respect" relationship. But it does make this message easier, so I'm going to stick with the model for now. Just, try to keep your eyes open on this one. I don't trust it.Continued in the next comment...