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Nice night... - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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Nice night... [Dec. 13th, 2000|01:34 pm]
Kurt Onstad
Riki and I got together again last night. She picked me up from work, and we went back to my house, and watched a movie and talked and stuff...

Originally, the plan was for Riki to go to her brother's house and crash there (he lives much closer than she does). But, it started to get late, and she couldn't remember exactly how to get there, so she took me up on my offer to sleep at my place. So, we stayed up together until about 3am, and then I pulled out the couch, and she slept there while I went to my room and slept there. (I would have offered the other way around, but my room is still too messy for anyone other than myself to manuever through safely) So, to answer your question, no, we didn't sleep together. I'm not ready for that, and she most likely isn't either, but if things keep progressing the way they are, we might have to talk about that soon.

The next morning (that would be this morning, as I write this), I cooked her breakfast (scrambled eggs and toast for her, bowl of cereal for myself. She's allergic to milk) and after eating, we spent the morning in each other's arms. That was really nice. Then we each showered, and she took me to work.

I might have mentioned this before, but I am falling so hard and fast for this woman. We're spending as much time as we can together, and the feelings on both ends seem to be getting stronger. I know they are for me. It's been less than a month, but I want to ask Riki if she wants to date exclusively. Too soon? Erik? Self? SeonSaint? Opinions?

Kurt Onstad
Doesn't want to play games...
Riki is referred to as Lucy down below, and Megan (remember her?) is called Jessie.

[User Picture]From: self
2000-12-15 10:56 pm (UTC)

No whine before it's time...

Yeah, like I'd know.

Okay... Channeling the collective experience of people who have dated exclusively...

I don't really see the big deal. She knows you're looking for an exclusive relationship, and that you broke up with someone to get closer to that. If this didn't freak her out, the revelation that you'd like an exclusive relationship with her isn't exactly earth shattering. Hell, it's hardly even news.

Whether she agrees it's time or not, I don't see any negative consequence to asking. You're just putting a voice to what she already knows. This was an issue with Jessie because she was determined to live in denial. With Lucy, I don't know what's at risk. That's not to say there's no risk, but you've been much less public with the details of this relationship (ironically enough). From where I stand, you're being paranoid.

Your feelings are what they are. Be honest, but respect hers. And don't be afraid to give her space if it turns out you're crowding her. (That's a bad time to panic)


Okay, wait. I see it now.

Gonna have to go stream-of-consciousness on you here. My thoughts contradict.

I don't think there's a set timeline to these things. You feel things when you feel them, and it's best to be open and communicate. It's the implied begging that kills you. But I don't think it matters when that occurs. You could be married for twenty years, and your relationship would be just as over if you got pathetic on her. You're almost better off getting it over with now. But getting over it would be better.

It's a catch-22. If you keep your mouth shut, you won't be able to respect yourself. But if you open your mouth without that self confidence behind you... That's where you can lose everything.

I don't know. Does this sound too manipulative?
"Listen, you're still free to do what you want, but I don't want to date other people."

I guess I do have an issue. There's really no way to get what you want without putting her on the spot.

Were I in your shoes, I'd be obsessing over how to tell her your feelings without asking for anything in return. ...but that's why I'd fail. Love's selfish. Deny that, and you deny yourself everything.

Don't worry about when the time is right.
Don't worry when the time is right.
Don't worry - the time is right.

Some of that's probably useful. Just throw out everything you disagree with.
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