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The Uninvited - Kurt's Life (or lack thereof) [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kurt Onstad

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The Uninvited [Dec. 28th, 2002|11:54 pm]
Kurt Onstad
[Current Mood |contemplativecontemplative]
[Current Music |Opening Theme - Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan]

Hey everyone! Watch me shoot myself in the foot when it comes to relating to my future in-laws...It'll be fun!

As I know quite a few have noticed, I haven't written anything in quite a while. The timing of it works out that it was just a little bit after I gave Amy's mom and aunt the address for the LiveJournal is the last time I wrote a public entry. Coincidence? Well, after Amy's mom asked me about it on Christmas, I've been thinking about it, and I have to say the answer is no. Even when I've thought of fairly innocuous journal entry subjects, I've still stopped myself from actually opening up iJournal or a web browser and typing it in. Why? Good question...

I've thought about this a lot since she asked, and I've realized what's been holding me back from typing my thoughts online like I used to. I've written things here occasionally that have been misinterpreted and have offended friends of mine (hey dragonpookie! How's it going?), but I've always been able to talk to them and explain what I actually meant, and those occasions have been very rare. Considering how personal some of what I write is, it's amazing that there haven't been more "Worms" incidents. But, a lot of that is because up until recently, those who are reading the journal either a) know me well enough to know that I'd never intentionally hurt them, or b) only know me through the LiveJournal community, and aren't directly affected by the events of my life that I'm writing about.

Now I have Amy's mom and aunt reading, and I've gotten the distinct impression that Mary Jo (Amy's mom) is using the journal to search for flaws in me to help convince Amy not to be in a relationship with me (or not to marry so soon, or something along those lines...). I could be completely wrong about this, but the feeling is still there. Which leads me to completely censor myself, and not write anything at all.

I have a few options in front of me to deal with this.

1) Stop writing in the journal completely. I'm not going to do that. I enjoy sharing my thoughts with my friends (both from real life and fellow LJ users) and getting their feedback.

2) Create a new journal, and not tell Amy's family about it. I don't like that option for a number of reasons. One, it's dishonest. Two, I've paid money for this account to be permanent, and I don't want to have to deal with transferring that to a different LJ (if that's even possible...).

3) Write only "Friends only" entries. I also don't like that choice. I've met some pretty cool people here because my journal is open to the general LJ reading public, and would like that to continue.

So, we come to the option that I've taken. As you can probably guess from my subject header, I'm rescinding my invitation to Amy's family to read my LiveJournal. (Amy is excluded from that. Her invitation to read was completely separate from the invitation to the rest of her family...) Please refrain from reading my journal. Hopefully, one day, when we know each other better, and you've stopped ending every conversation regarding marriage between Amy and myself with "Well, you still have time to change your mind," then I can reopen this invitation. Obviously, I have no way to enforce that, but I hope that Mary Jo, Denise, and any others who this applies to will respect my wishes. If not, and you end up being offended by something I write in here, well, consider this fair warning that I will make no apologies...


[User Picture]From: particle_man
2002-12-29 12:24 am (UTC)

Kick Ass

I was wondering what had happened to you. Nice to know you're still alive. In a similar siuation I probably wouldn't have ever extended the invitation to the "future in laws". I know if I had that my lovely wife and I would have never gotten together.
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[User Picture]From: technomonkey
2002-12-29 11:11 am (UTC)

A good thought, but you know better

Human nature and curiosity force their hands on this one. Think of my experience with Cariss - do you honestly believe that publicly asking them to not read will have any effect other than make them all the more curious about reading, and give them more and more incentive to do so?

I'm sorry, but there's just no way around it at this point. If they're looking for ways to get you out of Amy's life and you practically tell them that they shouldn't read in here because it's where they'll find those ways, you've done more than just shoot yourself in the foot...

Don't get me wrong. I've missed your posts, as well as your replies to mine. But I think of all the options you've come up with, you've chosen the least effective.
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[User Picture]From: speedball
2002-12-29 11:25 am (UTC)

You're right, I probably do...

But, I don't like any of the other options that I came up with. Do you have an alternative, or some line of reasoning that will help me choose a different option?

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[User Picture]From: pottertilly
2002-12-29 12:38 pm (UTC)

Re: You're right, I probably do...

I have to go with technomonkey that they will most likely still be reading your journal, but I am glad you are standing up for yourself. I have missed your posts, and I am glad you will continue writing.

If the fam doesn't like what you are writing, well, too bad. I have respect for Amy's relatives, and I understand where they are coming from, but they just need to trust that you are a wonderful person and you are meant for Amy! So Mary Jo and Denise, please give him a chance!!

Again, best wishes to you and Amy.
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[User Picture]From: self
2002-12-29 01:01 pm (UTC)


I think you misread the options:
  • Stand proudly and display his flaws for scrutiny
    Well, that's just stupid. They obviously want the best for Amy, and no man is going to be good enough to marry her this quickly. Truth is, they're not looking for flaws so much as a way to explain to the two of them (or just Amy, since that gets the job done and they already know how to relate to her) that they're not ready - it's not time yet. Whether the family is right or wrong about this is immaterial - it's truth to them.

  • Stop keeping a public journal
    Well, we've just seen the result of that. He comes across like he's got something to hide, and worse yet, begins to feel that way. And, of course, nothing can be further than the truth. Ask him anything - you'll get an honest answer, an amusing story, and occasionally FAR more information than you were looking for. So, making him insecure isn't fair to anyone - Kurt needs to be himself, and the family needs to see him that way. Again, though - don't expect an honest assessment of Kurt to make any difference in their eyes until the damage is done (their damage or his - whatever the outcome, someone has to lose before they can make the best of it).

  • Pretend they're not reading, and force them to do the same.
    See, you read that as "Ask them to stop reading his journal." No, no. It's all about denial.


    Okay, fine. It's all about whatever understanding allows Kurt to be himself. The "I make no apologies" notice was really the important part. But, yes. I can see where that might get lost in the presentation...

So, umm... yeah. My two cents for Kurt:

Communicate openly, compromise where needed, put your foot down where appropriate, and make some sort of arrangement where everyone's comfortable with each other. Amy's happiness is a mutual goal, and working against each other can only diminish that.
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